Mi Vida Loca!

Welcome to my crazy life!

Kevin is on his way to Chapel Hill tonight in preparation for Grant's 7:00 am chemotherapy appointment tomorrow morning. It should be a pretty standard day....standard to us anyway. Grant will have his monthly spinal tap and IT Methotrexate (directly to the spine), and Vincristine. He will also start this month's 5 day cycle of steroids. These are a walk in the park compared to our old steroids, but still make him a little grumpy and a lot hungry! So, I'm stocking up on sloppy joe essentials and all of the necessary ingredients for some yummy grilled cheese sandwiches.

Recently, Grant has complained of ear pain and has had a pretty nasty cough. Although these symptoms are most probably simple side effects of too much swimming and summer allergies, I still find myself relapse-paranoid and, in the most simple terms, anxiety ridden and neurotic! The pressures of life with 3 very strong-willed children, coupled with the fact that one of those wonderful children happens to be a child with cancer, can get to be a little much. Thankfully, I have kind friends and family and a most patient husband who try their best to keep me grounded in reality!

I read this essay recently while surfing.... the web, not the ocean. I tried that once... It was a bad idea!

The Strength of an Egg

by Juliet Freitag

Parents of children with cancer, or really any serious condition, are often referred to or viewed as having strength "like a rock." Albiet flattering,it isn't quite true. It is more like the strength of an egg. An egg, you ask? Yes!

If you'll think about it, you'll see my point. An egg has a polished, smooth outer appearance, with no cracks or weak spots visible. It seems almost inconceivable that the inside might not be so smooth or solid.

Most children, at some point are shown the famous egg trick. An egg set at just the right angle can withstand enormous amounts of pressure and cannot be cracked or broken. Yet the same egg, tapped gently at an ever slightly different angle, will break. The contents, once so neatly concealed, will come spilling out. The no longer perfect shell will be crushed. It looks so fragile that it seems inconceivable that it ever held any strength.

A rock, on the other hand, is solid all the way through. To break it is almost impossible. If you succeed, you will find that there is nothing inside but more rock.

It takes a lot more than pure hardness to hold the hand of hope. Parents of [medically fragile] children are not solid all the way through. We hurt, we fear, we cry, we hope. It takes a very careful balancing act to keep the shell from being shattered. "Balancing an egg" while running a household, going for doctors' visits and hospital stays, keeping the family together, and holding on to the constantly unraveling ties of your sanity can be very tricky indeed! Occasionally, the angle will be off and the shell will break, shattering hope and all the neatly secured appearances of a truly fragile existence.

Unlike Humpty Dumpty, though, parents of [medically fragile] kids will pick themselves up and put themselves back together again.

I have tried recently to explain to some of my friends how my stomach feels all the time. The best thing that I can compare it to is that feeling that you get right before you get in a car wreck.... Stomach drops, face gets hot, you want to throw up.... Yeah, I've been feeling like that pretty much constantly for the past 13 months or so.... Its hard to explain. I guess its kind of like labor, you can describe it all you want, but words just don't seem to work.

I hope it goes away one day. I'm not so sure that it will.

Enough of that......

So, tomorrow I will teach my High School Musical Show Choir Camp (just a fabulously fun camp!) and then meet Kevin in Goldsboro to switch off Eden for Grant. I'll bring chemo-boy home to rest and recover from his Propofol hangover and Kevin will take Eden on to Henderson for the State Softball Tournament. Her team has practiced so hard and is so excited! I am sorry that I will miss Wednesday and Thursday's games, but they have assured me that they are planning on winning, so I will be able to see them play on Friday!

Tonight, Jake and I are planning a little choreography for tomorrow. He thinks that its pretty funny when I dance. I agree! Tonight we're working on "Bop to the Top". He likes it!

I will report on Grant's visit tomorrow.